Well, I have a confession to make.. I'm not a good "healthy eater". I try, but fail more days than I don't.
But thats okay, because its life.. I'm trying and I feel that is more important that sitting around stuffing my face while watching tv. (while that can be fun, at least I'm trying).
Last night while reading a book, I put it down. (I love to read..I love the way it lets you visit places you'd otherwise never go. I like the small escape from reality for a few moments). I begin to think back over the last few years with my husband and my kiddo's.. and decided that something has to change.
You see, I think that when we are not happy with ourselves we take it out on everyone else, even if we don't mean too. if I am being 100% honest with myself, I haven't been "happy" with myself in a long time. Something has been missing. When I was nine years old, I vaguely remember walking to the front of our HUGE chuch with my mom and dad. I remember lots of people giving me hugs and I remember going with my parents afterwards to speak with our pastor at the time. I remember my mom crying as I, at nine years old asked Jesus to come into my heart. Fast forward.. I was in my early twenties. I had been married a few years (We had two kids a little over a year apart). My wonderful husband and I were sitting in church on a sunday night, and my husband had given his testimony.. I felt this overwhelming since of urgency come over me, and a voice in my head. It scared me. It scared me really bad. I could hear it loud and clear. I wasn;t truly saved. You see, All my life from the time I was nine until that moment, I just went through the motions. I went to church nearly every Sunday and Wednesday. I worked in the children's ministry, but I didnt't have that closeness with God.
Let me put it this way. If you plant a seed in the ground, and you water if for a few days, and it starts to grow, and then you stop watering it and stop taking care of the area around it, it begins to wilt and die from lack of care/nutrients, Nurture.
Fast Forward to last night. I realized once again that for the past couple of years, I've just been going through the motions.. While I still feel God's presence in my life. It wasn't like it once was. I've stopped watering that part of my life. I've stopped taking care of my spiritual life. So I put down my book that I had been reading and I begin to pray. I don't know how long I prayed, but I prayed. I could feel my heart beating faster. I could feel an overwhelming since of Calm and urgency at the same time come over me. (IT was a strange feeling), but I knew it immediately.
You see, My 9 year old son and I have a horrible relationship. I'm not a bad mother, and he's not a bad son..and by horrible, what I mean is....we argue ALL THE TIME. We do this, because unfortunately, he and I are basically the same. We are both hard-headed people who have to get the last work. We are NEVER wrong, and if we are, we hardly ever admit it. I had this issue growing up. My oldest brother and I, and our father were the SAME WAY. While my other older brother and my mom were very calm.
I have a hard time "picking my battles" because I love the feeling of an argument..but I only like to argue with my son.. I don't like to argue with anyone else..Not my mother, not my father, not my husband, not even my daughters... Its weird....but its our way of loving each other.
I prayed last night to God to help me show love to my kids better. TO be a better wife, and mom. To help me find a way to better our relationship. You see, I am a STRONG woman., but I can't do this alone. I was ignorant to think that I could. I can't do this without the help of God. I can try, but I won't get very far.
I prayed last night, and I guess you could call it "Re-dedication". I've come to realize, that even thought I was saved in my early twenties, TRULY ONE HUNDRED PERCENT SAVED. My relationship with him was suffering because I was not giving it what it needed. my Prayer journal is empty because I had stopped writing in it. I use to write in it EVERY DAY many times a day, and I loved looking back over it at the the prayers I had written and saw how God had answered them.
He may not answer the way you want him to, but he answers. and he 'see's the big picture..not just the small area of your life that you see.
So there is my confession...or more than one. I've re-committed my life, I'm trying to get my spiritual life back to where it is supposed to be and I'm trying really hard. I am putting it here because it helps me when I put it in writing and sometimes, God will send someone to help you be more accountable.
No, this post wasn't based on being Heathy to much, in the sense that most would say.. But i do believe that if you have a "healthy" relationship with God, and a Healthy relationship with your family, then its just easier to be "healthy" all around.
But thats okay, because its life.. I'm trying and I feel that is more important that sitting around stuffing my face while watching tv. (while that can be fun, at least I'm trying).
Last night while reading a book, I put it down. (I love to read..I love the way it lets you visit places you'd otherwise never go. I like the small escape from reality for a few moments). I begin to think back over the last few years with my husband and my kiddo's.. and decided that something has to change.
You see, I think that when we are not happy with ourselves we take it out on everyone else, even if we don't mean too. if I am being 100% honest with myself, I haven't been "happy" with myself in a long time. Something has been missing. When I was nine years old, I vaguely remember walking to the front of our HUGE chuch with my mom and dad. I remember lots of people giving me hugs and I remember going with my parents afterwards to speak with our pastor at the time. I remember my mom crying as I, at nine years old asked Jesus to come into my heart. Fast forward.. I was in my early twenties. I had been married a few years (We had two kids a little over a year apart). My wonderful husband and I were sitting in church on a sunday night, and my husband had given his testimony.. I felt this overwhelming since of urgency come over me, and a voice in my head. It scared me. It scared me really bad. I could hear it loud and clear. I wasn;t truly saved. You see, All my life from the time I was nine until that moment, I just went through the motions. I went to church nearly every Sunday and Wednesday. I worked in the children's ministry, but I didnt't have that closeness with God.
Let me put it this way. If you plant a seed in the ground, and you water if for a few days, and it starts to grow, and then you stop watering it and stop taking care of the area around it, it begins to wilt and die from lack of care/nutrients, Nurture.
Fast Forward to last night. I realized once again that for the past couple of years, I've just been going through the motions.. While I still feel God's presence in my life. It wasn't like it once was. I've stopped watering that part of my life. I've stopped taking care of my spiritual life. So I put down my book that I had been reading and I begin to pray. I don't know how long I prayed, but I prayed. I could feel my heart beating faster. I could feel an overwhelming since of Calm and urgency at the same time come over me. (IT was a strange feeling), but I knew it immediately.
You see, My 9 year old son and I have a horrible relationship. I'm not a bad mother, and he's not a bad son..and by horrible, what I mean is....we argue ALL THE TIME. We do this, because unfortunately, he and I are basically the same. We are both hard-headed people who have to get the last work. We are NEVER wrong, and if we are, we hardly ever admit it. I had this issue growing up. My oldest brother and I, and our father were the SAME WAY. While my other older brother and my mom were very calm.
I have a hard time "picking my battles" because I love the feeling of an argument..but I only like to argue with my son.. I don't like to argue with anyone else..Not my mother, not my father, not my husband, not even my daughters... Its weird....but its our way of loving each other.
I prayed last night to God to help me show love to my kids better. TO be a better wife, and mom. To help me find a way to better our relationship. You see, I am a STRONG woman., but I can't do this alone. I was ignorant to think that I could. I can't do this without the help of God. I can try, but I won't get very far.
I prayed last night, and I guess you could call it "Re-dedication". I've come to realize, that even thought I was saved in my early twenties, TRULY ONE HUNDRED PERCENT SAVED. My relationship with him was suffering because I was not giving it what it needed. my Prayer journal is empty because I had stopped writing in it. I use to write in it EVERY DAY many times a day, and I loved looking back over it at the the prayers I had written and saw how God had answered them.
He may not answer the way you want him to, but he answers. and he 'see's the big picture..not just the small area of your life that you see.
So there is my confession...or more than one. I've re-committed my life, I'm trying to get my spiritual life back to where it is supposed to be and I'm trying really hard. I am putting it here because it helps me when I put it in writing and sometimes, God will send someone to help you be more accountable.
No, this post wasn't based on being Heathy to much, in the sense that most would say.. But i do believe that if you have a "healthy" relationship with God, and a Healthy relationship with your family, then its just easier to be "healthy" all around.
I understand where you're coming from. Dawson and I are too much alike and we butt heads practically every day. I don't know who said it, but it's true: "Parenting is not for wimps!"
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